“These are all quotes from two separate chats during April & July, with @Sqicedragon, during discussions about publishing motu.

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Angst Goddess

AngstGoddess003 Angst Goddess

“they’ve been able to read it in its entirety. And I even did the FGB thing.. which isn’t really for me cos I never, ever wanted to do [it]”

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Angst Goddess

AngstGoddess003 Angst Goddess

even when you publish it on amazon, theres still gonna be negativity “true… but I’m sure it’s easier to take with a big fat paycheck LOL”

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Angst Goddess

AngstGoddess003 Angst Goddess

“it’s like the old groucho marx joke which I cant remember about not wanting to belong to a club that you’re a member of…”

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»Angst Goddess

AngstGoddess003 Angst Goddess

“I have to say I do not feel as passionately as you do about the fandom”

15 minutes ago Favorite Reply

The above tweeted ‘quotes’ are from a Gchat conversation 8th July 2010. I was at work when I got a ping and found it was AG.

She says she wants to build a website where people can post their original fiction and charge 20c a chapter for it – and would I be interested in joining, and posting my OF? This is kind of ironic because back in April I talked to her about this. I said then I might fund some development money to build a website where fandom peeps could post their original fic and we could charge say $2 to $5 a book. AG could maintain it and FF authors could post their original fic there. She wasn’t keen on the idea then – and this is where the ‘revolutionising publishing’ line in her tweet comes from. It’s part of several conversations, but the quote refers to the building of the website and how we would cut out agents etc. As you can see she’s taken that quote way out of context… more on that later.

We were talking about publishing fan fiction. I knew that she didn’t want to publish WA, but when I said I wanted to publish MOTU, she got very heated about it. I had no idea she was so anti anyone publishing.

To set other lines from the chat back into context: I have never liked the term ‘Fandom’. ‘Fandom’ has scared me in the past because I have had such hate from complete strangers who don’t know me, merely because I have written a popular story. I have always thought of the peeps who read motu as ‘Readers’, and that’s it.

The following GChat took place on 8 July 2010. I am putting it all up here so people can see what a long wandering conversation AG and I had.

Sam: i do. look at omnific’s creation. that is a huge black scar.

me: Why?

Sam: because okay

2:53 PM think about the fandom in terms of

SM gave us this thing

and we’re making fics off her concept

however loosely

doesnt matter

its a community of free give and take

we have already given

and we have already taken

and now we want to milk it further

and use the fandom to fill our pockets

2:54 PM for something they could have had for free

something that

admittedly

wwihtout SM

would not have gotten a second blink

me: Well… it’s not like we’re robbing her..

2:55 PM I have to say. And you’ll have to forgive me – but I’m still relatively new to this fandom

Sam: no, but we’re robbing the CONCEPT of FF

yeah i know

me: I don’t think so…

Sam: thats why i like to kinda show you the other side

2:56 PM im just not certain you’ve seen this other, more logical side of the fandom

me: I just don’t feel as passionately about the fandom as you do.

Frankly it scares the living daylights out of me

Sam: i think you’ve seen a lot of your own reviewers, which is great, but they are only one side, and they want to support you. and you have to consider that there’s another side to the coin

2:57 PM me: Why?

Sam: but the fandom made motu popular. you made it good, fandom made it popular

me: True

And they’ve been able to read it in its entirety

And I even did the FGB thing..

which isn’t really for me cos I never, ever wanted to do the EPVO

EPOV even

2:58 PM I was bullied into it…

though having said that…

I have enjoyed writing it.

So pushed my boundaries..

And it’s earned a few bob for ALS

But I think you and I are poles apart on this.

3:00 PM Sam: i just get the feeling that you dont really… care about the fandom as a community whole. which is your choice, totally. and if that’s the case, and you arent really concerned with the foundation of this place we’ve all been able to visit and grow and learn, then yeah. publishing motu is totally what you wanna do. the only reason not to, aside from the fact that it has major legal issues, is that you have a respect for the community that made motu into what it is, you know?

but if you dont really feel that

then no one can make you feel it

3:01 PM me: Like I said…it freaks me out more than anything.

I do respect and love my readers

What I don’t like is the negativity…

So I find my horizons getting smaller and smaller so I can avoid it

Sam: well negativity exists everywhere. even when you publish it on amazon, theres still gonna be negativity

3:02 PM me: true… but I’m sure it’s easier to take with a big fat paycheck LOL.

Sam: and negativity has its place. it’s what stops us all from monopolizing on ideas that arent totally ours

me: Look I am not saying I will publish it…or pull it

or anything..

3:03 PM I have to say I do not feel as passionately as you do about the fandom…

Sam: that saddens me

i think fandom has been a really great place for you

a lot of your supporters are here

me: My readers have been a great place for me… I have some wonderful, wonderful readers

3:04 PM and they are fabulous

and I am beyond honoured

Sam: but your readers are the fandom

me: but I see them like that…

part of the fandom

it’s like the old groucho marx joke which I cant remember about not wanting to belong to a club that you’re a member of…

3:05 PM and I don’t think I’m being arrogant… I am just this one middle aged woman.. who wrote a reasonably interesting fic

That turned out to be very popular… why I don’t know…

3:06 PM and I can react to the readers on that level… as readers…

(sorry just had to take a phone call)

Sam: lol thats ok

me: I have to say this is a very heavy discussion to have over gmail

Would rather do it face to face…

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Angst Goddess

AngstGoddess003 Angst Goddess

“I’m not sure I feel part of the community…”

9 minutes ago Favorite Reply

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This quote is from an earlier gchat: 29th April 2010. We had been discussing the website and got on to discussing publishing.

Sam: you could make money off writing, and i encourage that totally. just not the writing in Motu

12:46 AM but seriously.. if this is something you enjoy and you obviously have some aptitude for, you should do it

12:47 AM me: I would like to…

So if harper collins came to you and said we would like to publish WA would you say no

Sam: i would say fuck no

me: hmmm – I’m not sure if I would have that resolve…

12:48 AM unlikely to happen though

but as a calling card… hey…

Sam: well WA is… progressively, my poorest form of writing. and its Twilight FF. i don’t want any aspirations to succeed based of something so silly.

me: I wasnt silly!!!

12:49 AM Sam: i mean, i get your mindset. ive been there, honestly. but time in the community will change that

me: I paid £60 downloading it on to my phone … in spain!!!

Sam: writing twilight smut is a little silly…. at least i consider it silly for myself. but that’s okay, because most hobbies are a little silly

me: I’m not sure I feel part of the community…

I’m nervous of it…

Sam: well you kind of have to get in there

you have more supporters than not

12:50 AM me: Not sure I want to… everyone is sooo opinionated… and I’m not!

Sam: and you have to give the opposition a chance to explain themselves, and you’ll see that a good part of them are being logical

though a few are just assholes

you avoid them

me: opposition to what exactly? This is what I have an issue with…

12:51 AM Sam: and you have to read and review. nothing frustrates the community more thna an author who is only willin to take reviews and never give

opposition to… any of your views really

12:52 AM i think in cases like ours, the community has given us so much, and we just have to remember that the relationship was meant to be symbiotic

a lot of newly popular authors forget that

i did once

12:53 AM try not to lose that mindset and youll be fine

me: I don’t know what you mean…???

explain please…

I am fascinated

Sam: like…. a reader means just as much as an author. we’re offering something. readers offer feedback, and authors offer free literature

12:54 AM so like when a reader says “Where the fuck is my update?” it is the equivalent of an author saying “Where the fuck is my review.”

it’s all equal in that sense

no one is entitled

12:55 AM me: Yes I can see that…

Sam: so they give and we take, and we give and they take

but only being an author who takes makes it seem very imbalanced

12:56 AM even though you give updates, you could also be contibuting to the fandom’s form of currency in recs and reviews

which cultivates it

12:57 AM me: I see… I just don’t have time to read more.. If I do read – I review.. but only if I like – if I dont like I stop reading…

Since I have started writing – if I do read I’ll review… but I just dont have the time…

12:58 AM Sam: yeah i know how that is, totally

me: I read a great fic called with teeth – I reviewed – bc it was v well written but it wasnt for me… far too dark.. but I said.. this is really well written.. and I’ve not read any more…

Sam: well, hey! thats something

12:59 AM and im sure the author was ecstatic to get a review from the snowqueen

Angst Goddess

AngstGoddess003 Angst Goddess

show them theres a person behind the penname and not just some lady sitting on a perch — “I like my perch…”

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Sam: yes yes. i understand. the important thing is just recognizing that you’re a part of a community and that motu inst a community in and of itself is all

which im sure you realizr

me: I agree… but like I said.. I find the community totally intimidating

Sam: like Kharr, thats one of my annoyances with her. she claims to be so popular, and yet she has never recd anything (aside from her betas fic)1:01 AM me: And I’m crap at analysing stuff

I read and rev Uoem.. my only regular read

Sam: you just have to get in there. read what people are saying and reacting. make yourself more reltable. show them theres a person behind the penname and not just some lady sitting on a perch

me: I like my perch…

Sam: the hate will be less

1:02 AM me: its safe

Sam: yeah, but you dont wanna seem as though you think you’re above the community, you know?

me: I think anyone who tweets with me regularly wouldnt think that..

1:03 AM Sam: well, the people who know you dont think that, of course

but how big a portion of the community knows you?

they’d love oyu if they did

it would harded to flame someone who’s so obviously real

1:04 AM me: I only get flamed in certain forums… which I am training myself not to visit..

Angst Goddess

AngstGoddess003 Angst Goddess

“I have done it as a sort of exercise.. to see if I could … and I think I have proven that I can… I now want to capitalize on it…”

16 minutes ago Favorite Reply

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Sam: ooooh

lol

i do sometimes

mostly in web biz

12:41 AM me: I do.. I think – bc i do a lot of business stuff in the industry I work in…

Sam: makes sense. good to have

i’d just be careful if i were you keeping business away from motu

12:42 AM thats really the only thing you have to be concerned about

me: I don’t feel about motu the way you felt about wa… I have done it as a sort of exercise.. to see if I could … and I think I have proven to myself that I can…

I now want to capitalize on it..

12:43 AM I am not a spring chicken like you.. I am in my 40s… so I want to try and do something before its too late – lol

I have only found out what I love to do – and it’s taken this long!!!

And life aint no dress rehearsal etc

Sam: oh and i understand, thats just an issue of doing fanfic. it’s just not legal to capitalize off it

12:44 AM i eman, in a roundabout way, i kinda capitalize on WA by getting website business from the community, which I wouldn’t be a big part of if it werent for the story

but

roundabout

totally legal

im not making anything off the actual writing

12:45 AM me: OK – I’ll fess up – I would like to make money off writing../.

My hubs does…

He makes v good money – he writes tv drama…

He’s a bit shocked by the little wifey doing all this stuff

Sam: you could make money off writing, and i encourage that totally. just not the writing in Motu

12:46 AM but seriously.. if this is something you enjoy and you obviously have some aptitude for, you should do it

12:47 AM

Angst Goddess

AngstGoddess003 Angst Goddess

“Well don’t tell anyone – I have visions of being interviewed by Time Magazine for revolutionizing publishing…”

21 minutes ago Favorite Reply

Same Chat 29th April. I air my idea about an OF site to AG:

Sam: oh good, and the youtube stuff is fine

me: cool

I got to thinking about my plan to revolutionize publishing…

12:09 AM A site to host lots of stories… like a bookshop… $5 per book…

We could take over the world…

Sam: hahahahahahaha

me: its the future

Sam: im still kinda dipping my toes into publishing methods. so much has changed. a lot of online people offer ebooks, but they’re constantly improving and changing

12:10 AM me: my worry would be about peeps being able to copy.. but on

SMs site one cannot copy the pdf of midnight sun…

so there must be a way…

Sam: oh that’s just a PDF lock

me: I would be willing to invest in this…

Is that easy to break???

Sam: not easy, but possible

12:11 AM i never have, and ive tried, if that tells you anything

me: most peeps wouldnt have the tech to d that

Thats a good sign

And one could host and peeps could give a $1 for ever subscriber out of the $5 charged per book for hosting???

12:12 AM I think it genius personally … but I may be mad

12:13 AM Its really for peeps who have an audience… you must have the odd novel stuffed down yr pants too?

Sam: no, it s a good idea. i think some people are already sort of doing this. the issues are purely logistic

12:14 AM me: And it will take some money to develop a site yes?

I can come up with a buck or two

motu is in the ascendency

peeps for some bizarre reason want to read what I write…

so i was thinking – cut out the publisers and agents and shit…

12:15 AM publishers even

Sam: ehhhh

12:16 AM thats a slippery slope

especially where it’s stemming from FF

like, if it were MoTU in particular

i’d be sketchy

but if it werea new original fiction

do it all the way

totally

me: no I am talking original fic

motu is a calling card…

12:17 AM Sam: right

its something to keep in mind

me: Well don’t tell anyone – I have visions of being interviewed by

Time Magazine for revolutionizing publishing…

12:18 AM I know.. pipe dreams maybe.. but theres something in this surely?

That was 29 April. As you can see the idea about ‘revolutionizing publishing’ was to do with selling OF direct to readers via the Net.

Then On 8 July we had this chat while I was at work:

Sam: lol ok

i was wondering…

im kinda comng up on a new venture

thats a little? similar to the publishing thing you talked about

and i was wondering if you’d maybe participate

me: ooh!

sounds interesting

2:25 PM Sam: well originally, it was meant to be a free, community for OF kind of thing. but then i needed to fund the site, so i figured… authors could charge readers and i could skim, you know?

me: Yep…

2:26 PM so far still got me…

I’d love to do somethig like this

Sam: XD so then, authors could choose to either post their OF (it’ll be an archive like FFN) and onvite their fave FF readers to come and read/review

OR

they could charge a set amount per chapter

and anyone who pays can read

2:27 PM me: Chapter at a time… then have the opportunity to review etc??

Sam: right

you cant really do it by story, because.. you know… some authors dont finish

ppl would get mad, etc

me: yeah…

hmmm

2:28 PM This is what I was talking about ages ago…

I like chapter at a time…

Sam: well it keeps the same format as what we do in FF

me: yes..

2:29 PM Sam: and really, the pay thing would be the less serious side. ideally, that would be a place for authors to post unpublishable stuff

because once its posted like that, no publisher would take it

So there you go. You’ve seen the selected snippets – this is the original context. I’ll leave you guys to make your own minds up. We’ve all said things we’re not proud of, words spoken in the heat of the moment, that could have been better said. It’s great when we can do that in private. It’s not so great when people then publish those private conversations.

I want you guys to know that to the people that have supported me I am grateful. Really grateful. I have met some amazing, talented, witty, wonderful women in this fandom. I do not consider myself above any of them – they are my peers. I know some of you will be disappointed that I have stooped to AG’s level, and part of me is too — but really, I’ve had enough of her negativity. I’d like to put this ugly mess behind me.

That’s all I am going to say, except finally – because I have an inner bitch too – here’s a certain someone saying they would like to publish their fic.