unbeta’d, subject to change…

He steps out of the bathroom, but the second he sees me dressed to go the press conference, his freezes.

Fuck me. He must hate how I look.

“I’m sorry,” I say. “I wear separates to work. It seems people wear suits to these things, and this is the only suit I own. I didn’t have time to buy something and have it altered–”

“Why are you apologizing?”

“Because my clothes are from the 1940s, and you hate it when I wear vintage around…” I struggle with how to phrase it. “…uh, your job,” I say, shrugging.

“When did I say that?”

I think back to dress shopping with him for his birthday dinner, how he insisted on buying me something new—even after we walked past the dress I really wanted in the window of a vintage shop. After that, I stopped fighting him on wardrobe—I just wore whatever he wanted me to. I never gave him a second chance.

“Now that I think about it, you never did.”

“You look perfect.” He kisses the top my forehead then whispers, “You are perfect.”

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  1. on 17 Apr 2012 at 2:49 pmreve2weaver

    Huh… funny thing ’bout feeling inadequate… we tend to project a lot of sharp teeth onto those who never even applied for the position.
    I’ve done it. Learned it was my own fears pointing fingers at myself, making me stop doing things I loved, friends I loved, but yet I blindly and self-righteously blamed others.
    It’s that invisible audience of murmuring that we create in out heads that does us in, every… damn…. time, non? It takes just the tiniest snap of a twig, and we are convinced the wolf has come for us, and we have no choice but leave. It’s the end as we had foretold and always believed. We need only to look down and see it’s our own nervous and self-fulfilling footfalls backing away. To stop calling wolf and stay through the darkest night, to sort through the slaughtered lambs come daylight may seem horrific, but then compare to face running away from the only imagined beasts… and leaving them to fair on their own to face the real ones, like cancer and lost loved ones. How do you come back to that, and say you were sorry, you were too afraid? What words are adequate then?