Sunday Morning

It was completely irrational given my current situation, but I couldn’t help it. Holidays frightened me. Easter was no exception. Sunday morning I woke with an overwhelming sense of foreboding. I rolled out of bed and went into the bathroom where I began my morning routine. When I was finished reciting my affirmations, I lingered in front of the mirror. The guest list was comprised entirely of people I loved, who loved me in return. There would be no drama, and I had no reason to panic. I just needed to convince myself of this. Roughly twenty minutes of chanting I-will-not-fuck-up later, I made my way downstairs and began my prep work.

I had the turkey stuffed and in the oven in no time at all. I was scrubbing the counter top daydreaming about Edward when I felt hands on the bare skin of my thighs.

It amazed me how real a sexual fantasy could feel. Either that, or it had been so long since I’d gotten any, my mind could no longer differentiate imaginary touches from the real thing.

“Good morning,” Edward whispered into my ear before his lips found my neck. “Turkey is sort of an odd choice for Easter, don’t you think?”

Meanwhile, my fantasies were becoming downright bizarre.

“I can’t make ham. Rose and Em are coming.”

Now we were discussing Jewish dietary restrictions.


No wonder doctors masturbated psychologically unstable women in Victorian times. Lack of sex really did cause insanity. I glanced at the clock on my stove. I had more than enough time for some self-love.

I turned around to head upstairs only to crash into a hard body. My heart stopped, until I realized it was Edward.

What the fuck was he doing here?

“You scared the shit out of me. You can’t just go breaking into people’s houses while they cook. Had I been cutting something, I could have accidentally amputated a finger.” I punctuated each sentence with a whack from my dish towel.

“Ah, but you weren’t, and you didn’t.”

He was laughing. I took another swipe at him with the towel.

Still chuckling, he took it away from me. “Seriously, does it actually bother you that I’m here? You used to like it when I surprised you in the morning.”

“That was different. In those days, I knew there was a possibility you’d show up. You didn’t have to resort to picking locks.”

“I didn’t pick your lock.”

“How else would you get in here? What, did you climb in through a window?”

He pulled his key ring out of his pocket and held up a tarnished gold key. “I used this.”

My mind quickly replayed the night I ended our relationship. I had packed up the things I had of his, but I never asked him to return my front door key.

“I should have offered it back to you a long time ago, but it was the only tangible thing I had of yours. Okay, so maybe that’s not exactly true. I had your panties, but you didn’t exactly give them to me. I sort of had them by default.”

“Has it been on your key chain all this time?”

He nodded. “I couldn’t bring myself to take it off. It was the only thing I had that connected me to you.”

I was afraid to ask my next question, but I kind of needed to know. I took a deep breath and closed my eyes.

“During the past eighteen months, did you ever use it?”


I exhaled.

“However,” he continued, “I’d be lying if I said I never thought about it. There were times when the pain from being away from you was excruciating, and I desperately wanted to feel close to you. One night, I drove here with every intention of letting myself in, but I couldn’t do it. I didn’t want to violate you.” He touched my cheek briefly, then dropped his arm to his side. “You aren’t mad at me, are you?”

“I should be furious with you.”

“But you’re not.”

“No, I’m not. I had my fair share of very weak moments, when I missed you so much it hurt. If I’d had your room key in my pocket at those times, I can’t say for sure I wouldn’t have been tempted to use it.”

“I should have told you I still had your key sooner. I know it was wrong of me to keep it. I was afraid you’d ask for it back, and I didn’t want to give it up.”

“It’s okay, I understand.” I looked down at myself and sighed. “If I’d known you were coming, I would have gotten dressed. It just gets so hot in here with the oven on. Hang on a sec while I get changed.”

I started to walk out of the kitchen, but he held me in place.

“Don’t put on clothes for my benefit. I think you look almost perfect as you are. If you would just allow me to make a couple of slight modifications to your attire… ”

He placed his fingers on the hem of my cami and began lifting it towards my head. My breasts were exposed by the time I realized he was about to undress me. I crossed my arms to hold my top in place.

“Um, what do you think you’re doing?”

He released my shirt and moved his hands to my bottom, pulling my hips against his. I gently pushed him away, but he would not be deterred. His hands settled on my hips, and began to suck lightly on my neck.

“Okay, Edward, I get it. Christ is risen, and so has your cock. I’m not completely unwilling to help you with that, but don’t you think we have some things to discuss before we go there?”

He groaned in apparent sexual frustration. “I haven’t had unprotected sex in the time we were apart, if that’s what you’re concerned about. However, I’m not opposed to being tested. It’s only fair, considering you did that for me.”

I hadn’t even entertained the idea that he could have contracted something during our time apart. He was in a seven month relationship with Kate, and Edward was not the type of man who would be unfaithful. I knew he had not dated anyone since her. Though I wanted to ask whom he’d done in the months he was between girlfriends, my stomach turned at the thought of his answer. I wasn’t entirely sure I wanted to know.

“I think you should get tested, but that’s not my primary concern. We just haven’t defined our relationship, and I don’t think I can be intimate with you until we do.”

“Are you asking me if I want to go steady?” he teased.

“Don’t mock me. Friday night I told the world the depth of my feelings for you. That same night, you said you wanted to be my friend and my lover. That can mean commitment, or it could just mean you want to be fuck buddies. I would like some clarification.”

“If I recall, I also I said I wanted to be a few other things as well.” His fingers stroked the bare skin between my underwear and my tank top.

“Right. Exactly what did you have in mind?”

He pulled me against him and sucked my earlobe into his mouth. When his teeth grazed it, I became dizzy.

“Make no mistake, Bella.” He spoke quietly into my ear. “I want to fuck you. I’m even more obsessed with the idea now than I was when I first saw you, though until recently I would have never thought that was possible. You are, and have always been, my ultimate sexual fantasy. Put me alone in a room with you, and I’m going to want to claim you in every way possible.”

I should have expected this, and two years ago, I would have deserved it. The stakes were higher now.

I took a step away from him and crossed my arms in front of my breasts. “I know you felt objectified before, and I’m sorry. Truly, I am. That doesn’t make it okay for you to do the same thing to me. If you’re just looking for sex, I suggest you seek it elsewhere.”

“I could never use you for sex. Bella, I never stopped loving you. I just didn’t always trust you.”

His words stung, but they were valid nonetheless.

“Do you trust me now?”

“Yes. The past three weeks…” He closed his eyes and shook his head. “They’ve been the worst of my life, but I know I never would have gotten through them without you. You’ve given me everything I’ve asked for and things I didn’t even know I needed. Add to that what you’ve done for my mother… I never realized you could be so nurturing. To say I want you in my life forever doesn’t quite capture the sentiment. You are my life.”

He brushed his thumb under my eye, removing the wetness. I hadn’t noticed I was crying.

“What’s wrong?” he whispered.

“I’m afraid that you’re reacting to grief and not thinking clearly.”

“I knew you’d discount me again. What is it going to take for you to believe I love you?” He ran a hand through his hair and groaned in frustration. “Is it a matter of time or actions? Tell me what you want me to do. I’m at a loss here.”

“I’m not belittling your feelings. I just know that we don’t always see clearly while we are bereaved…”

He cupped my face and his eyes bore into mine. “I assure you. I have never seen more clearly.”

He pressed his lips against mine, and his tongue entered my mouth. I felt his hands in so many places it was difficult to believe he had only two of them. When he pressed them against my bottom, I wrapped my legs against his waist. With our mouths still joined, he carried me to my bedroom where he placed me on the edge of the bed and knelt in front of me.

He twisted my nipple through my shirt. “Lay back.”

I flopped onto the bed with my legs dangling off the edge. Still kneeling in front of me, he pulled off my panties. Before I could question his intentions, his tongue was tracing my clit.

My vibrator had been the source of all orgasms I’d had in the past eighteen months. It had absolutely nothing on Edward. I raised myself up onto my elbows so I could watch him. The sight of him fully clothed, pleasuring me with his mouth, was quite possibly the most erotic thing I’d ever seen.

I wasn’t going to last long.

He pressed his fingers inside me. “So wet,” he whispered before going back to work with his tongue. Moments later, squeezing him between my thighs, I found my release.

He stood up, lay down on the bed next to me, and pulled me into his arms.

“What was that?” I asked.

“I wanted to thank you for being there for me. It was either send you a card, or give you cunnilingus. I assumed you’d prefer the latter. Was I wrong? I can always run out to a Hallmark store…”

“That’s won’t be necessary. And for the record, I always prefer cunnilingus to greeting cards.”

“I got that impression. There was a moment there when I thought your legs would tear my head off.”

“Sorry about that. It’s been a while for me, and I’d forgotten how amazing that feels.” My eyes trailed over his body. There was a decided bulge underneath his dress pants. I wanted him inside me, but I hadn’t anticipated physical intimacy. The fact I had no condoms was a deal breaker.

Still, after what he did for me, he deserved to come.

“Now, what about you?” I smiled seductively and reached for his crotch.

He caught my hand and pressed it against his chest. “I don’t need you to reciprocate. This morning was all about you.”

His mixed signals were making me insane. “I thought you were ready to be intimate again.”

“Oh, I am. I just didn’t expect that you would be, and I didn’t come prepared. Do you still have your IUD?”

I nodded.

“I’ll get tested as soon as possible. Now, would you like your key back? I completely understand if you do, but since we’re going to be a couple again, it does make sense for me to hang onto it.”

“You should keep it. Everything here is yours anyway.”

The kiss he gave me could only be described as tender.

“I love you so much,” I whispered.

“I believe you.”

It was the single most meaningful thing he could have said to me in return.

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  1. on 28 Aug 2010 at 12:52 pmSuccubus

    Um, the “I believe you.” is as powerful, if not more than in Return of the Jedi when Lea says “I love you” and Han just says “I know”

    Apparently, I’m a sucker for someone declaring their love and it not being automatically reciprocated.
    I’m sorry I haven’t commented on all of the chapters, but seriously this story is so fucking good. Thanks for posting it, I’ll just imagine you re-posted it solely for my benefit.


    Colleen reply:

    Have you read Counterpoint? There’s a bit in there when he says that automatic responses are never as meaningful as initial declaration.


  2. on 01 Oct 2010 at 3:23 pmlisa89

    I always adore the endings of your chapters, and this is no exception. Wonderful.


  3. on 16 Oct 2010 at 10:38 amEsmeNessie



  4. on 25 Nov 2010 at 6:25 pmBooksgalore/Bookishqua

    Good point about trust there. :) Books


  5. on 06 Jan 2011 at 2:45 pmSea4Me

    Oh how they’ve grown! They netter get ready for company, though. I must say, I feel betrayed that he was with other women…how crazy does that make me??


  6. on 29 Jan 2011 at 11:45 pmJanice

    What a surprise to have him be here at her place!! Too bad she is having company today :)